growing

stopped and thought all day. ran my system dry in overdrive today. my head swells with unrelenting pride and anguish. it's like i can't quit moving. i'm finally movin on. pullin off or bowling through every snag in my way. but it still recoils. jolts back. vibrates through every section of my body. exits my fingertips. blink slow. barrel on.

From the Gut

let me digress. i've lacked all kinds of emotional fulfillment for years. love. that burnin inside me well its faltering out as i knew it would. it's like i, and others i know, quit loving at 18. when our adolescence was beginning to die. our souls got cancer and left the pessimism of our body. became our truth. but we were hardened. a dear friend once said "we're an old 23." we've always been older. tougher. our minds based in turmoil and necessity. can you blame us? with where we lived? what we know? what we've seen? the kids i see here, kids my age, haven't known what i have. it just changes your perspective. poverty. i'm not partying. finding chicks. livin it up. i don't have those luxuries. i work. i worry. i hope. even pray. but that's all i've got. i support me. i've worked for everythin i have. everything. i was never in a position to be handed anything. anything. it's just not in my script. this frilly bullshit. i've been bred hard and hard is what i do. from hard roads to hard work. hard breaks to hardly makin connections. hard outfits to harsh words. i guess it's in my blood. something like fate. i take pride in it. what i've been through. it's made me more than the average joe. smarter. more keen. hungry. but of course i yearn for more like. like what's her name and the evil step mom. held and closed in. i have those desires. that passion. sometimes, when i was younger, i cried for something to break. something to change. the anticipation and hope still painted my mind with dreams and hope. my anger turned those colors black and ran myself into despair. but now i've calloused and numbed. stripped the walls down and left a rugged frame. it just happened. i don't wanna lose my passion. my love. and as i peel off the layers of old paint i realize how they all blend into the color that's left. how they're all me. sure i'm colder. harder. but i'm also more relaxed. free willed. i think i've figured out more than most of my generation. and i'm stronger. and patient. and living day by day.

Quote Me on This

hours turn to weeks

do what you can till you can do what you want