Evil & The Li(v)es We Built

you creep unto me like a black plague's liquid, slithering with sense and purpose. your hollowness deafens chirps and stills the wind. you rush like a child without sense or care in a world of nails and broken glass. you savor their sting, you ignorant thing and revel in your sense of undirected and distorted pleasure. you're a leech with a conscience. suck while you think and think away their pain. revel in your own. i swear you'd drive me crazy if i weren't so damn set on myself. if you actually mattered.

but as one grows old one sees the ripples of the motions he has made in the water. the way it erodes the shore, grinding so slowly, subtly, but you've stared and seen enough. you notice the pebble's roll and the hole's concaveness. you feel your energy passed through adequately, trivially, cheaply. even ignored and untouched. i feel like a testament of time. my vines burrowing along the river banks changing growing, plaguing. i wonder who i sicken? sicken with hate? sicken with love? if they know how sicken i am with them too.

ripping through the wind

she wore on me like a failure. i saw every let down beaming through her eyes. her skepticism of me poorly shrouded in her politeness. friendly. semi interested. she played my part oh so well. she looked much better doing so as well. refined and proper. i felt held and restricted. eeking glimpses of my inner sefl in and and out and in between my words. her focused off center. made me feel like a formality. merely made me hope to impress her more. she budged not an inch. wrapped me up, took a look, and flung me south. i felt it slip in slow motion. how did i lose power? control? it's usually all mine. the setting? formality? i don't know. it blurred to a fuzz from there. i was so outside of myself, no wonder she thought me uninteresting. i barely knew her and i counldnt stand losing the potential spot in her mind. it drove me mad and as i contemplated this sailing through cool wet air, i suddenly slammed deep into the earth, feeling the ground shutter back against me. it was over. a mix of confusion and pain shot through me as all the failures of my past added megatons of pull to the gravity of never falling in love. never even tasting it again. not even pulling up a vibrant glimpse of its pefect blue pedals and unearthly yellow stem. crashing miles away and just feeling its existence. it wasn't her. but it was. she was hardened. i saw me in her. hopeful but doubtful. she'd been hurt before. badly. and i, well, i don't know why it's hurt me so badly...

ghosts to life

was looking over endless fields. alone, but not by myself. my mind swirled with mists and kissed snapshots. you were there. you always have been. the you and my mind refuses to walk away. but that you has changed. to help me. to turn its cold sharpness a warm caress once again. almost like a hope. i wonder if i can feel you. if it's the real you. if the capacities of my mind are so strong, so keen. why can't they be. why can't our words slice through time and space. land as emotion, purer than dialect, embodied and beckoning. a translation, a hope. you come to me like a ghost. wrapped in hope and fear. cold and distant. lovely and beautiful. out of reach. uncontrollable. inexplicable. brilliantly adorned in you very best beauty. your mouth never moves but your heart does. i wonder if you've been taken over. your face has aged and the way you move,... your voice. your words. you're new

trails

for those of you without a spine i'm tired of you hanging on to mine. walk behind me; i question your committment. ride on me; i question your heart. walk beside me; prove to me i can love again

standing still with the dead

my cold feet hurriedly slap the cool ground. the moon has crested and beams light over acres of ripe harvest. all the fruits of labor. toil. worry. pain. and my back glows with pale light and shaded by husked shadows. the crisp air sinks into my lungs, an icy invasion. pumping in and out of my chest. my muscles burn with acid and my mouth breaks into a smile that explodes across my body like a long forgotten mine. unexpectedly overtaking. it all far behind. i think this is the beauty of control. knowing you escaped the pain cause you lit the match. the infinite game i play against...well... something about beating em to the punch. it's better to have loved and lost as long as you're quite comfortable with losing your damn mind as well. that's all these trees, whipping by, that's all they say. stuck. as fast as i go, my victories are hollow cause my enemy is me and i'm so deeply rooted in myself i can't shake your dirt and my mud free. i'm standing still with the dead.

Could write a summer sun set serenade. worthy of an angel's breath and bellow. the most beautiful combination of words and sounds ever released from the mind of man.

Radicals

it's like pure fucking fire and it's all i feel. like the trigger and ignition push it in and the chemicals are boomed. that's this. yeah now. i could rip their world apart and laugh in its misery. burn down buildings and slash tires. just to send a message. i can't even stand this bullshit. broken windows in the wake of my glory and a message of radicalism for those who think the left is docile and weak. i look up to the Lenin's and the Che's and the Castro's. the ones who said "your days of plenty are numbered" and nailed each letter in thick. stuck in hard and burrowed it deep. saying "no more bullshit." "We'll take it from here." Like a knife, I hope they feel every snag and rip cause ain't no blade sharp enough to cut you down quick and clean

I Really Can't Explain How Lost This Really Is

It's that yellow glow again. Same old songs ring through. Pain whirling through the room. Not one person feels settled. I treck the lonely soldier's track. Keeping wanderers off and never able to keep the worthy around. The same old stamped dirty. I'm respected but never rewarded. Admired but never fulfilled. My eyes are hard and heavy. I fall and rise in a seconds time and this mountain view just doesn't do it for me. Not anymore. It's like running in circles. Doing everything right. And nothing. I'm a fool for hoping and as empty as the half hearted whispers I send to gods I barely know. Even my poetry is lost. Like there's no step up. I don't see it going anywhere. Tabled off. This flattened path. Self righteous. Self destructive. Cursed. If I could step off the edge I would. I'd leap.

all this loss...and I haven't missed you this much in months

Atheistic Hymnal

something about a sour serenade somewhere. she ruffles through her bag and runs her fingers through her hair. gleemin in the glare caught in a momentary stare. oh lord they'd make a nice pair. worn out from the work of his mind he's constantly curious who stole all his time. "the whole world is blind and the sins i'm committing merely keep me from gettin mine." a circular second passed he wonders is she'll last or if he's doomed to rerun episodes of his own past. lettin new ones in is like a nightmare. scratchin and breathin. wakin from a sleep he can't repair. sins of his father and the failing of his mother. dear lord don't let this fate plague his little brother. an escape. a door to roll through. where he sees nothing but the full truth. somethin that'll finally feel the sink of his chipped tooth. light years away she might be thinkin of him on this very same day. head in his palms. still breathin calm. overwhelmed wishin he could find a shred of peace written in the psalms. shruggin through social pressures. every action on measure. breakin and bustin and blowin through tubes like that air compressor. if i had a match you know i'd contest her. but it's broke it's done. the thoughts in his mind slipped away locked up for another time. but i want it known how damn hard i try and how damn hard i wish for a better day. enough to make an atheist pray. the courage to shed shake down all my beliefs today.

Catharctica

blood born circuit boards. a broken set of shingles and a Sunday's blasphemous screech. all a recipe for poor americana stew boiled to elogant steams. whipped and whispereed, prated and barred. resserected and cut down. mowed and mutilated. like a symphony blazing three inches away. chained down. boarded up. green gushed and running. so fast and far away. no prints all pain but nothin sugar will be the same

tomorrow

my heart exploded into a burst of orange browned breeze blown leaves. I couldn't even look.

Wishes I could whisper in your ear tonight. Escape. Float far away. You know how much this hurts me. But I'm merely dead not knowing how you feel. What your drive home was like. Where your mind was. How the yellow lights flickered and blurred. How it rolled over smooth glass. The hum of a silent car ride. I hang my head just to think. How blank your stare was. How defeated. How i helped put you there. This is one of the hardest thing I've ever had to say. If there is a god... I hope all his love and blessings are with you. Just to give you something close to what I never can

...

i've waited to write all day. what i wanna say can't even be spilt. with any justice. i've been stabbed in the gut 50 times today and you healed every wound just as the next burst open. your knees tucked in i'd stay like that forever. but the sun shines on new days and blood still runs in new ways. i can't stand straight and i still stay strong. learned that from a single mother. floating. and never having anything come easy. like i said before. it's like feeling without touch. like a memory or a hand you watch slip away. damn i've felt this before. can't i hold on just a bit longer? just a few more moments i can steal? something to remember? trivial trivial trivial. and something about a busted window keeps wrekcing through my head. see...but duty calls

good man's tale (a rare account)

so bad and so sorry. i can't fill this silence and i cant budge the edges of my mind. texts and manuscripts. taken away for a bit. the world is heavy on my aching back. a line i relate to. i've lost it. nothing's been, or come, or even gone easy. cursed. sins of my father? mother? myself? an endless tall tale of unfulfilled potential. critical echos of a failed hero or hopeful. good lord how did this happen? how'd i unravel and get tangled in my own tattered wrapping? how do i know what's next? what's best? there is no justice and i promised myself there would be. now i bury myself in every concept attempting to find it or vanish its importance. i guess i'm coping. but it's the epitome of bitter sweet. i could just drop dead. like every breath i take is drown out by a thrust of cedar scent. exhilarating and toxic. the epitome of a double-edged sword. no balance. no justice. every step forward is a step back. every wound heeled is salt in another. but i'm coping...god i hope i'm coping. i hope i understand. i hope i transcend it. it's just that...doing what was right...has never done right by me.

...

I have to say something. I wanna say so much. edge of my seat and the edge of the world. I can't even focus. I just wanna be literal. side by side. damn...i can't even write

growing

stopped and thought all day. ran my system dry in overdrive today. my head swells with unrelenting pride and anguish. it's like i can't quit moving. i'm finally movin on. pullin off or bowling through every snag in my way. but it still recoils. jolts back. vibrates through every section of my body. exits my fingertips. blink slow. barrel on.

From the Gut

let me digress. i've lacked all kinds of emotional fulfillment for years. love. that burnin inside me well its faltering out as i knew it would. it's like i, and others i know, quit loving at 18. when our adolescence was beginning to die. our souls got cancer and left the pessimism of our body. became our truth. but we were hardened. a dear friend once said "we're an old 23." we've always been older. tougher. our minds based in turmoil and necessity. can you blame us? with where we lived? what we know? what we've seen? the kids i see here, kids my age, haven't known what i have. it just changes your perspective. poverty. i'm not partying. finding chicks. livin it up. i don't have those luxuries. i work. i worry. i hope. even pray. but that's all i've got. i support me. i've worked for everythin i have. everything. i was never in a position to be handed anything. anything. it's just not in my script. this frilly bullshit. i've been bred hard and hard is what i do. from hard roads to hard work. hard breaks to hardly makin connections. hard outfits to harsh words. i guess it's in my blood. something like fate. i take pride in it. what i've been through. it's made me more than the average joe. smarter. more keen. hungry. but of course i yearn for more like. like what's her name and the evil step mom. held and closed in. i have those desires. that passion. sometimes, when i was younger, i cried for something to break. something to change. the anticipation and hope still painted my mind with dreams and hope. my anger turned those colors black and ran myself into despair. but now i've calloused and numbed. stripped the walls down and left a rugged frame. it just happened. i don't wanna lose my passion. my love. and as i peel off the layers of old paint i realize how they all blend into the color that's left. how they're all me. sure i'm colder. harder. but i'm also more relaxed. free willed. i think i've figured out more than most of my generation. and i'm stronger. and patient. and living day by day.

Quote Me on This

hours turn to weeks

do what you can till you can do what you want

it's gotta burn

wants something so deep it bursts my blood veins. i wanna shut my eyes at night and loose myself. let shouts and love overtake my half eaten night and burn away the woes bestowed by the most mundane monotony. sometimes i like to imagine they're saying exactly what's on my mind. that they're even talking about her. yeah, that's comforting. thinkin it's felt somewhere else. in some other corner. about the same poisoned soul.

Calm, Still

who knew getting older would be so lonely. my dreams turned against me. and my self-consciousness has run out of my control. i haven't been able to squeeze a sliver of expression past my teeth for weeks now. the world's oddness spirals on around me relatively less frequently disturbing my waters. my plan is to sit calm and cool, drinkable and clear. fit for queens.

Chat

Me
ugh?

8:33pmShelia
ooops

http://www.marlinquaymarina.com/#/parasailing/4539125495

PARASAILING...says its nearby

8:34pmMe
our hotel looks like somethin from the wighties that's sweet

ohh you're serious about parasailing?

hahahahaha

hahahahaha

yeah twice!

8:35pmShelia
YES!

dildo.

8:35pmMe
great site they have hahaa

hey i'll come watch you

8:35pmShelia
their money goes into equipment

u can have up to 3 ppl do it.

8:36pmMe
hahaha

you carl and third unknown

Shelia
although somewhere around here a mother daughter just got killed parasailing....

u wouldn't want to?

uve jumped out of a plane

8:37pmMe
it's not fear. it;'s the unbelievable gayness of being seen parasailing. they sell dvds i'm sure.

8:38pmShelia
https://secure.guestdesk.com/Sites/oceanreefmyrtlebeach_com/images/ResvSystemimages/largeImages/ocean_reef-276[1].jpg?__utma=1.609553912.1277771475.1277771475.1277771475.1&__utmb=1.16.10.1277771475&__utmc=1&__utmx=-&__utmz=1.1277771475.1.1.utmcsr=google|utmccn=(organic)|utmcmd=organic|utmctr=ocean%20reef%20resort%20myrtle%20beach&__utmv=-&__utmk=139234611

im sure they did it.

their enjoying the ocean reef resort

8:39pmMe
haha i'd do her

8:39pmShelia
well idk where it is...itd be cool if we could go thouggh..

ewww .

that skin looks saggy

u can tell doughy ankles

8:40pmMe
i don't care. it'd be a great story

8:41pmShelia
lol i guess it would be

8:41pmMe
i'm sure you can go shelia. and i'll be there fuckin yellin at you

8:42pmShelia
ughh i gotta start training at jceppenny tomorow..lame..

iim not going myself..idk carl doesn't seem interested

of course i don't wanna die either..lol

of course i don't wanna die either..lol

8:44pmMe
i don't think it's the fear. i'm not scared. it's just too touristy for me. but if you agree to fill up my glass for one day i will do it with you. just one. deal?

8:44pmShelia
it says ur hopping offline

ive been on teh whole time

8:45pmMe
me too. weird

8:45pmShelia
fb blows

8:45pmMe
i don't think it's the fear. i'm not scared. it's just too touristy for me. but if you agree to fill up my glass for one day i will do it with you. just one. deal?

8:45pmShelia
u want me to buy u a beer/

8:46pmMe
no. just pour it from a container into my sippin device. shot, cup, whatever. it'll be jager, crown, and soda. not heavy duty.

8:46pmShelia
hahaha...we'll see..idk how much it is...

or ill bitch out when i see how high it goes...

8:47pmMe
if we deal then we are both committed. you cant retract. deallll???

i'll foot my end of the parashitting

wheelin and dealin 'her

8:48pmShelia
ok...DEAL!


im gonna tell them tomorrow i need that time off

FAMILY VACATION...

8:50pmMe
fuck yeah. wait. unless it's like ridiculously expensive. we can both agree on that amendum right?

8:50pmShelia
ughh yeah.

it said u have to call for prices..so it might be pricey

8:50pmMe
oh shit

we'll see. and you'll be serving icey feel goods all fuckin day hell yeah

8:51pmShelia
hahaha...u said one.

im not ur servant for the day

thats not the deal

lol

8:52pmMe
AND I QUOTE
"i don't think it's the fear. i'm not scared. it's just too touristy for me. but if you agree to fill up my glass for one day i will do it with you. just one. deal?"

the second use of the noun "one" is directly linked to the "one" used to decsribe the incrimiant of spoken "ONE"

thus both "ones" are linked to the times span of a day

8:54pmShelia
ur pure evil.

well i'll just sip some off the top everytime.

so it'll all be good.

brb

Ashland (On and On)

watch the rickets of the past rise up around me. the comfort i get. the darkness it holds. like a reign of power embracing my soul. undertaking my mind. i feel like an emporeror as their stories worn on and i dawned my crowm. feeling a bit obnoxious i pitched it aside and strolled with my robes. a leadership walk that put a soldier on my head in place of my gold. this type of strength is accented not physically created. my crown is my style, my voice, my achievemnts, my intelligence, my smile. i wear my posture like a flag. i guess this is my castle. brick and plastic. my chariot a washed out green, my throne of pegged wood. and this what my people now admire. leanin forward feel my actions crucial to creating and evolving everything i see revolving around me. significant as hell, my actions send runners in both directions. and acknowledges the stand stills. i can't help to see myself as a king, even if i'd walk by you through everything. i feed on your envy and shine quite above you, but this everyday shit is what really romances my heart. the little jokes, the fun, the games, saying ridiculous shit to girls, and lyin about our names. couldn't write it right if i tried it's just something that comes and calms deep from inside

she's never coming back

i've been too momentary to write lately. I've sat back and settled in. let the days spin by while grabbing onto every small pleasure. swiping it from the whirl wind. consuming it and forgetting it. i wish i knew where this was goin, i think.

sounds of silence we never knew would be so painful

it's paranoia. every snapped branch. every winter's wind whisper. it's all coming for me. i'm following your trail and every landmark you set is out to get me. and take me nowhere. i'll be closer when i finally rest. but i'll still never see you. never find anything in you. more of that organized chaos that sends me to savagery. that pulls my lungs deeper than CO puffs in dense humid air. can you read what it means? you know it's you? you probably think it's her. but you wish it wasn't. i wish you knew how much it isn't. see i set you signals too. i just flash a bird's eye view and i see us walking miles and miles away from one another. or is it parallel. both. with each bound. each second we go further and further apart. no reconciliation. not ever a word of it.

last words

She let her emotions shine. She caught her lucky 3 minutes to tell me exactly what she wrote in her heart. In pure silence. My voice murmmered hurridly. Was i missing it? her eyes stuck, set, and sure. I tried to speak it back. but i just spit in surprise. happy kid fuck ups of wide eyed momentary hope.

evolution

over self medicated this time. fuck my mind is racing. and there's nothing coming out worthy of mention. all i feel is irritated anger and lust. another dose of self reconciliation i'll pour down my throat. no wonder it's been so sore lately. i cough blood and spit venom. it's comin out of my nose by now. i don't hink i'll ever figure this out. how to use these things to my betterment. i turn everything i touch into something sharp or explosive. i sit back and watch my own self destruction in some disillusioned arrogant pride. as if my suffering makes me better. in tune. all it does is polish my misery. burn out hope. and close the door

i've turned on myself

i'm so scared to sleep tonight

cut to fit mix tape

this phone has never set so heavily in my shorts before. i step slightly out the door only to obsorb the sun of another turn of this earth. and it's like these feelings burst in their rebirth through every single day. i can't be strong anymore. i've fuckin lost it. i'm tore. to shreds as i kept all this in. i walked around like a loose cannon eyes on the floor panel and a routine that would demean the normal days worth of happiness or anythin close. what they say ,it is true when it rains, yeah it pours. like when you enter my mind i just can't hold shut these doors. so you come bursting through it's like all ghosts like a former you. but you're cold and your hard i feel it well in my eyes and of course here it comes a fuckin peace of me dies. i'm so afraid of loosing the you that i knew. the things that we shared. tried untrue. but my heart won't let me hold it against you, somethin tells me you should feel all lucky, so do you to have some man bent over you so bad that he'd tear his world down to know that you'd have anything and everything in every single way the kinda love an angels wings could only unfurrel. i'd die for you i've said it years ago. yeah still true. and as we grew i finally knew that i ain't alive without you.

Sue Is

i want to slit my wrists. and i'm not a criminal for saying this. i'm not insane for feeling it. for fantasizing. sometimes it just seems settling. just ending all the pain. the stress. every hard thing vanquisehd. i accept this feeling. one of my many contradictions. my many pains

6/10

Yeah. I'm pretty old fashioned. When it comes to love I think of it as this great transcendence.
When your emotions finally overtake, while incorporating, your nature.
The beauty in monogamy.
That's the beauty I find in some traditional ideas. ideas of loyalty, friendship, respect, love, perseverance. We don't need to change everything. Merely collect what's good and change what isn't.
There are finer points in life, when the sounds of self are relinquished with a deep gutted desire for something stronger. For a principle. For a belief. When they unfold, and you truly are enveloped in the waves of such an ocean, when you feel the cool liquid...when it surrounds and presses slightly into you, you can never turn away again. all the dryness in the world...every dried dead dirt path dusted into your mouth, could never remove the ocean. and what it felt like to float, just once. stealing the sight, the touch, time's erosion couldn't take it from you. it would only well into pain and desire. making the ocean more powerful than the dust dead dirt that became something of an everyday sting. it only serves to remind you that, somewhere, life doesn't hurt so badly.

coarse

i want to say so much. but i won't. the words are gone. whispered deep in my own head. forgotten. oh well. i'm swallowing at 23 so ready for the rest. my throat is calous and hard. i could swallow razors blades. i do swallow razor blades. it's pathetic how i downplay my disdane for this life. my morals are sidelined living in form not reality. it's all a dream. i'm learning. i'll never learn.

new flags

how does the dust settle in your dreams...
my tattoos unfurl like banners.
these flags mean more than blood and honor.
no country binds this. no false sense of unity.
no patronage or lineage. just a workin mind, sweat, anger, determination
and a stare that could knockout idle minds on pitch black nights
this isn't for the weak. the passerby. this isn't command and response. this is a brake peddle. a time to stand still and be every feeling you've ever hoped for. see every smile, every warm place
knowing every second's war is won. and the deeds of the dead
hang banners of love and hope... every second i'm faked in your dream is every second i find myself completely surrendered to. i hope it settles a little like that.

Daydreams and Dehydration

he cringes in silence and relaxation, dwelling on the sting of a sinking razor. he sets his eyes to relax. he feels the numb of dreamt up pain web through his lungs. one of his favorite thoughts. he sees the grass is finally green enough to plow through guard rails and splatter the blades with the colors of christmas. his other.
these are his escapes. he dreams of them daily. of ending. of feeling nothing. the torment of days and the weather have burned him weary. too many empty nights. too much lost. his daydreams and dehydrated guts no longer push enough fuel. the seals are slowly turning to tatters. the arms and cranks that once pumped heart and soul churn vinegar in a lazy blur of static and decay. if you could only see what his eyes hide in silence. if you could tap into this current. rejuvenate what feels old and brittle. worn and neglected. without a second or centimeter's thought his mind would wrap waves through the lands. pouring a vibrant red from a decade of pain and a lifetime of impoverishment. these recent months have found his nights aching with a sink so deep in his stomach. a hole. like the bottom got right on top of him. night after night washed away. meaningless achievements for a future he doesn't want to have. all he feels is rain. and he breathes so deep. he hopes it'll all rush out of him and someone will rescue him. but his signs, so cryptic, so chambered, never to be read nor written, nor loved, nor hated. he tortures himself with memory and hope and violent fantasies. enough bloodshed to quell his heart. to keep it pumping. to rise. to fall. a single breath at a time.

Soldiers of the Sun

winter keeps me arms length from destroying the world. The sun feeds me its missions and I march them out fully equipped and completely remorseless. i dredge forward with purpose and grace. attract eyes and insight envy. i break. tear. and smile. the sun whispers "you are who you dream of being." "they're all yours." i raise my head slowly like an awakening machine. i swallow my own stomach and digest the pain. for i have purpose. i step with ease. my body runs on the fuel of my energy. my eyes dart up and down and my intentions mutter between love, hope, and pure power. i could tear this building down in one breath. wrap all the colors around my fingers and rip the air out of all your lungs. reaching and gasping for survival. the grandeaur feeding my veins. adding dreams to my heart.

heartache burns like acid, even when it hibernates. i wish this hole would leave my chest.

"i think i'll shatter if you come any closer" and i exploded as her lips hit mine. how soft. how painful. i ache as billions of memories...dreams... faces burst through my mind. you lift me into my pain my self loathing. you feed my painfully satisfying addiction. touching her i feel completely hopeless, lost, failed. touching her i feel pure, honest, love. her hands are needles and her lips are angel wings. she slides her fingers through my veins and cools my shivers with her voice. with the summer skies she trapped in her eyes. my withdrawals have cracked my lips and left me shaken. she could blow me over if her needles weren't 10 inches deep and jabbing my heart. i'm gonna faint. i fall. i knew i would. she's there to hold me up. by her claws. i've lost. it's love

Summer 2

lost. it completely
gone. you shouldn't want or need me
drain. where the dreams go
pain. instead of blood flow
there is no satisfaction here no satisfaction here there is no here there is here

shiver (desperation) so close

this is something like collapsing
to want so badly. badly enough that it devours your unconscious. devours the undertones into the melody. the yearning, so strong my hands tremble. they shake. sometimes they think they actually feel you. like you're floating near by. it's tricking me. into believing maybe you feel this to. like energy, pure emotion, is sending shock waves. destroying all i believe in to send these signals. losing the truth would be worth every inch of you. it's insanity or i'm getting closer to you...or you're getting closer to me.
either or, i pray this is at least closer to an end
i'd take in all of you. pure. honest. forget. just for a laugh. i'd cut everything about me a part for a kiss. i'd end it all. just to spend it with you.
"as the light begins to fade, you are the reason, that i am not afraid"

Summer, Summer

i'm thinking. And everything has gone still. waking from a dream. a dream you wish, you crave. the only thing that could swallow the pain. your throat can't take it. your throat can't take it all.
sun stained skin and eyes like bombs. withdrawn and choking.
can't you feel this?
it radiates from me, it crawls right through you in my mind. in my mind.
knife points, razors, cut, slice, and tear watch it all bleed away
can't you feel this?
can't you feel this?
can't you feel this?
can't you feel this?
can't you feel this?
I'm so goddamn certain that if you don't feel this then i'm all ready. all ready dead. and already to go. good night

Gone, but not Forgotten (Wave Goodbye)

I want to turn this place to splinters.
Reach my hand out and rip it off the map.
drag it to pieces.

The Silence

If I died on this road...right here...they'd call it a suicide.
and they'd be right. Confessions of an abstract heart.
Withdraws of a detoxing romantic
reapeating "i've gone insane"

The Kill (You're Stunning in Red)

You Should Kill me
Kiss me...
then kill me
one last kiss
I'd beg you to if you hadn't chosen to die
To kill yourself inside me
and for me to suffer
I love seeing you cut me
You're so beautiful
So close
Pressed against me
Such a beautiful red for you to wear
such a perfect way to fade

The Plague

"I'm conviinced you're killing me"
I laugh to myself

The Threshhold (Goodbye)

This
is our
space
if only you could feel this

The Death (Deprivation)

you should have died years ago
so i could mourn a perfect you

The Hope

I hope my heart bursts

i'd give your name to the angels

if i had a new language. that's what their myth would be called. The way you cut through me... wait. You don't cut. You aren't another simple burst of emotion and interpretation. You are haunting. You are this cold winter's night. I'm held inside. Stranded. I try so hard everyday to hear your voice... to feel you... just to remember. You're less then a ghost...more than a memory. part of my consciousness. a daydream about the eye of a storm. i hang on everything new i can know and covet what i can remember. it burns in my mind...does it even have a color in yours? it tortures me i tell you. and everyone can see it. if i've wronged you, made you cry, then you're avenged. this was a vengeance suicide. i cut myself with regret. With the sharpest confusion. the sores have never healed. can you hear any of this? can you feel me pull? your interference is punishing and i hope these words can capture how truly frantic this feels. the desperation... the shiver that starts in my gut and slips through my limbs. it's a nightmare anatomy. you in the dark. images of charts. dichotomy. anatomically correct. if only you could speak...i've almost forgotten...your voice

good ol' mob shoot investigation

....Its another night with the low hum of a fan. it cools the glow. my imagination thumps like the noir scene; footsteps i hear. it's a dark new york night here. cigarette smoke lingers in the air and every sound reverberates for seconds. the bright moon speaks the language of romance and i hear the wind's cryptic howling. it speaks of placement. all the colors that burst into your perfect fantasy. i live in between these moments. my hopes. vivid and bleeding at their seems. gushing art. Every detail crafted to perfect. to take your breath away. to take your mind away. The long trench coats and low hats, sleek cars, adventure,passion. the colors of this place. it's sights and sounds are the closest i've never heard to heaven. My heaven, of course, comes etched with the most intelligent form of a woman my mind can stretch. my mind pains all her details. she breathes here. She out wits me. I'm in love with this apparition. i cherish this vision. it keeps the truth from killing me.