Wishes I could whisper in your ear tonight. Escape. Float far away. You know how much this hurts me. But I'm merely dead not knowing how you feel. What your drive home was like. Where your mind was. How the yellow lights flickered and blurred. How it rolled over smooth glass. The hum of a silent car ride. I hang my head just to think. How blank your stare was. How defeated. How i helped put you there. This is one of the hardest thing I've ever had to say. If there is a god... I hope all his love and blessings are with you. Just to give you something close to what I never can

...

i've waited to write all day. what i wanna say can't even be spilt. with any justice. i've been stabbed in the gut 50 times today and you healed every wound just as the next burst open. your knees tucked in i'd stay like that forever. but the sun shines on new days and blood still runs in new ways. i can't stand straight and i still stay strong. learned that from a single mother. floating. and never having anything come easy. like i said before. it's like feeling without touch. like a memory or a hand you watch slip away. damn i've felt this before. can't i hold on just a bit longer? just a few more moments i can steal? something to remember? trivial trivial trivial. and something about a busted window keeps wrekcing through my head. see...but duty calls

good man's tale (a rare account)

so bad and so sorry. i can't fill this silence and i cant budge the edges of my mind. texts and manuscripts. taken away for a bit. the world is heavy on my aching back. a line i relate to. i've lost it. nothing's been, or come, or even gone easy. cursed. sins of my father? mother? myself? an endless tall tale of unfulfilled potential. critical echos of a failed hero or hopeful. good lord how did this happen? how'd i unravel and get tangled in my own tattered wrapping? how do i know what's next? what's best? there is no justice and i promised myself there would be. now i bury myself in every concept attempting to find it or vanish its importance. i guess i'm coping. but it's the epitome of bitter sweet. i could just drop dead. like every breath i take is drown out by a thrust of cedar scent. exhilarating and toxic. the epitome of a double-edged sword. no balance. no justice. every step forward is a step back. every wound heeled is salt in another. but i'm coping...god i hope i'm coping. i hope i understand. i hope i transcend it. it's just that...doing what was right...has never done right by me.

...

I have to say something. I wanna say so much. edge of my seat and the edge of the world. I can't even focus. I just wanna be literal. side by side. damn...i can't even write