this is dragging me down (but trust me, i'm fighting)

more papers. ideas and blunders and analysis. all bullshit that just isnt' good enough for the man in the chair. but why the fuck should i care? It's life. a life not hinged on school performance, work, or social status. it very well could be...if you let it. but i won't. so this cloud looms over me and wish not to gret it and when i do i wince when i rach for it. i wish it nothing more then a safe trip on to the next poor soul. inquire from m a thousand words and get nothing back but blank. i've nver put my heart into any assignment not cause i don't want to, but bcause i've never felt the want to. call it slacking, call it whatever trendy phrase you'd like but i get the picture and the message without ever sending mine. i'm sick of never sending mine. of mine being mixd up in direction and insufficiency. in subjectivness and expectation. how can my words be exactly what you want to see? i can't find the will to motivate myslf to abliterate my mind. to devoid myself only to accept this assignemnt. at the moment i am incapable.