ripping through the wind

she wore on me like a failure. i saw every let down beaming through her eyes. her skepticism of me poorly shrouded in her politeness. friendly. semi interested. she played my part oh so well. she looked much better doing so as well. refined and proper. i felt held and restricted. eeking glimpses of my inner sefl in and and out and in between my words. her focused off center. made me feel like a formality. merely made me hope to impress her more. she budged not an inch. wrapped me up, took a look, and flung me south. i felt it slip in slow motion. how did i lose power? control? it's usually all mine. the setting? formality? i don't know. it blurred to a fuzz from there. i was so outside of myself, no wonder she thought me uninteresting. i barely knew her and i counldnt stand losing the potential spot in her mind. it drove me mad and as i contemplated this sailing through cool wet air, i suddenly slammed deep into the earth, feeling the ground shutter back against me. it was over. a mix of confusion and pain shot through me as all the failures of my past added megatons of pull to the gravity of never falling in love. never even tasting it again. not even pulling up a vibrant glimpse of its pefect blue pedals and unearthly yellow stem. crashing miles away and just feeling its existence. it wasn't her. but it was. she was hardened. i saw me in her. hopeful but doubtful. she'd been hurt before. badly. and i, well, i don't know why it's hurt me so badly...